There have been many experiences in my life that have seemed to happen for the sole reason for me to recognize that I could have listened to my intuition and chose not to.
Like I’m being smacked in the face with an I Told You So by the Cosmos:
“Listen next time. My wisdom is your heart. I will always guide you home.”
Confusing circumstances seem to happen to help me strengthen my internal compass.
To help me recognize and fine tune the warning signs.
To remind me, over and over again, that there is a voice inside of me that always knows what’s best. Always knows what feels right or wrong.
I recently had an experience where I chose to ignore my intuition.
I ignored countless signs because I didn’t want to face the truth that maybe this was not me getting what I wanted, but something else instead. Something that might not have been what’s best for me.
I didn’t want to explore the possibility of that.
And because I’m human, I kept going, despite my soul’s nudges. I kept searching for the truth within a situation that was never bound to give me one.
I was lost in lust and what ifs and the idea that maybe this was an experience that I was meant to have even though my entire body was screaming a giant NO.
I pushed away the anxiety, and sleepless nights, and worry, telling myself it was all just excitement. I stopped meditating and reading as often. I felt beyond exhausted.
But I kept moving forward.
All with the idea that if it’s happening, it must be happening for a reason. (This. This by the way… I could write an entire blog post on how this idea needs to be a bit reframed.)
Then…then I couldn’t keep moving anymore.
The signals in my body became so loud that I confronted them head on.
I had to sleep. I had to eat better. I had to meditate. I had to feel like myself again.
I’ve been working with my intuition for so long now that I’ve learned that it always wins. There is no easy way out anymore. No shortcuts. I can’t avoid the truth for very long before my body takes over and I literally have to make a change.
And as soon as I said, Ok, I’m listening, the situation I was in ended on its own. Not even with my doing. Fast. Quick. Like it never happened at all. It was beyond my control.
Like all it was simply there for was for me to say no to it.
And that abrupt finish landed me in the very place that I sought to avoid: my pain.
This. This was the real reason I was where I was.
I could hear my inner voice saying, this is where you need to be, I need you to feel this. This is all I’ve ever been asking you to do.
My body no longer felt as heavy.
As life unfolds I realize that much of our experience here is about healing. Healing our pain, yes, but more so about transmuting the pain of thinking we are anything but deserving. Life is a giant flashcard for us to know the selves we’ve always been. The stardust glimmering through life times. The baby—bright-eyed— just born into this world. The child amazed by magic and wonder. The light. Oh, the light.
Our intuition’s main concern is that we are safe enough to feel all that we are. All that we’ve always been.
And just as when we are in actual danger, our bodies will react if we aren’t spiritually safe, if we aren’t in alignment.
People often ask me how to listen to their intuition and I always say listen to your body.
If it is contracting, tense, anxious, sick, tired, depressed, the answer is almost undeniably a no.
I say, get out.
If your body feels light, easeful, excited, electric, like you don’t even need to take a second thought, then whatever you’re questioning is probably a yes.
I say, you ride the wave and see how it goes.
It is really that simple.
Don’t question this process too much.
Something I’m guilty of doing is second guessing the warning signs and suddenly I get myself in a confusing thought loop of wondering if the way I’m feeling is anxiety or actually excitement.
A no or a yes.
When this happens, I like to close my eyes and ask myself, Is This Right For Me? If I contract, it’s a no. If I ease up, it’s a yes.
And then I always think back to first my instinct, that first moment a puzzling situation was brought into my life. And without a doubt, I remember my first bodily reactions being either positive or negative.
This. This is where the truth is.
And we can ignore this for as long as we wish, and you will because choosing to act from intuition is scary, the intuitive choice is almost always the scariest one, but we will always be directed back to that feeling. To that nudging of our soul, and we will eventually have to confront it. We will eventually want to feel more comfortable.
Here’s what I learned this time around:
I’m not perfect. Nor will I ever be. And an exciting, new, situation will often be more enticing than what's best for me. I could hear loud and clear not to get in the car with him, not to go out so late, not to go into business with her, but I’ll probably do so anyway. Because I, too, am learning.
But when I’m ready, there will always be internal wisdom to keep me safe.
There will always be a better path to take.
Be kind and easy on yourself. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to lose yourself and find her again. Over and over.
Spiritual perfectionism is bullshit.
We learn from not listening.
When we are ignoring our intuition it’s usually because we are ignoring something greater. And what we ignore tends to always come back full circle.
The fear. The pain. The difficult choice. You will have to confront it. Without a doubt, you will have to face it.
You can choose to face it yourself, or the Universe will do it for you.
He will cheat on you. You will get fired. The deal wont go through.
Everything always happens to direct you back to your true path. Always.
This is the lesson. This is the growth.
But the evolution can happen much faster than many of us allow for.
We don’t have to suffer in a situation for any reason. We can get out.
We can get out before it gets bad.
Listen to what your body is telling you. It knows. Your body knows when something is or isn’t right.
So I urge you to ask yourself: What feels off right now in my life? What do I go to that makes me tired? What feels amazing in my body when I do it? Who makes me anxious when I’m around them?
Listen to the answers.
Take some action. Even though it’s terrifying.
Cancel the meeting. Take a sick day. Dump the boyfriend. Quit the job.
Your truth is imbedded in your body.
Always. Anytime. It’s there for you.
I love you.