I recently discovered this poem by Nayyirah Waheed:
if you are softer
have been loved
Yeah. It resonated with me too.
Love is a complicated human experience. We work out our wounds through love. We discover our selves through love. We know the universe though love. And we also… we also feel pain through love.
Love is the cake. The cookies. The fever. The nails.
What can be so painful about love is that many of us believe love to be something that is packaged in a certain way. Shows up at a certain time. And says and does certain things exactly when love is supposed to.
For many of us, love is conditional.
Based off of words. Or titles. Or years.
And when these conditions aren’t met. Well, it can hurt.
We can feel like it wasn’t love.
But what if I told you your love journey really has little to do with if he said it back and everything to do with yourself.
How you feel when you’re with him.
The words you want to say.
The way your heart opens.
The softer you become.
Regardless if he stays or leaves. Regardless if you leave or stay.
Here’s the thing:
Love happens for us and through us.
It can last a lifetime or show up for five minutes.
It can be the smell of your grandmother’s gravy, a backpacking trip through the Eastern Sierras.
Or a night with a man you think you could maybe spend many more nights with.
Or the feeling you feel when he leaves.
Love shows up differently. All the time.
Love is softness. Is release. Is a sigh.
Love is a knowing.
That you can no longer be who you were before love came.
Love is change.
Love is not how long love stayed. Or how love bought you a ring. Or how love said the word love.
Love is the opening of your own heart.
Love is the edges softening.
Love is the hard conversation. The vulnerable truth that you could have never spoken before love showed up.
Love is looking at the ocean and knowing all is ok in that moment.
If only for that moment.
Because of love.
Love is about you.
Love’s main concern is you know how much you are loved.
Sometimes this means a relationship. Sometimes it means the opposite.
Sometimes it means loss. Sometimes it means flowers.
But please know this, whatever way love shows up for you, trust it.
Close your eyes and know that you are better for it.