This a longer one. So get cozy. Or if it's really hot where you are (like it is here), strip down and grab yourself a popsicle.
I think you're going to like what I've got to say about all things Leo:
I remember when waking up at 9am was considered early. Now it feels like sleeping in. This morning I rolled out of bed at 9:07, day two of my cycle. Sluggish. I don’t drink coffee often, but today I needed it.
When I opened the blinds the sun was shining and I thought: I wish it was raining.
If you know me, you know this is out of character.
If there were one word to describe me it would be Summer.
Bright. Hot. Long Days Surfing. Summer.
But, like most of 2017, things have been entirely different this season.
Instead of thriving, things have felt awkward and uncomfortable.
I feel the normal rush of energy that Summer usually brings, a consistent bounce and surge, but instead of that translating into road trips and bon fires and hours in the water—play—it has felt like pressure.
Pressure to get a lot of work done.
A rush to catch up.
To finish projects that I haven’t even started yet.
This Summer, my main dominant feeling is: there is not enough time.
Not enough time to podcast, launch, do weekly live videos, and blogs post.
Not enough time to do all of these things AND enjoy summer at the same time.
Not enough time to watch sunsets and get sun burned at 7pm.
Not enough time before the first smell of Fall is carried with the wind.
Not enough time to be me.
At least the version I like the most.
I feel guilty for not playing when I’m working.
I feel guilty for working when I’m not playing.
I feel like I’m missing out on the one time of year when I’m the happiest.
I haven’t been able to find many days this summer where I haven’t felt guilty. Or rushed. Or out of sync.
I’ve often just felt like, ok, Winter, come again so I can put this all to rest.
I’m ready for the sky to match my heart.
But then the sadness creeps in. I love summer. I love August (my birth month). I love my skin dark and my hair blonde.
I then think, Ana, how can we turn this ship around? How can we finish summer with a bang? How can you enjoy yourself?
All I hear, ever, whether it’s through me or my best friends on the other end of a teary phone call, is:
“Day by day.”
Moment by moment.
This morning I was talking with my friend Jillian about this rushed Summer feeling and she was saying that she looks at kids and notices how summer seems to feel so long for them.
Because there is no future. They are not working out how their lives are going to work out. They have adults doing that for them.