This a longer one. So get cozy. Or if it's really hot where you are (like it is here), strip down and grab yourself a popsicle.
I think you're going to like what I've got to say about all things Leo:
I remember when waking up at 9am was considered early. Now it feels like sleeping in. This morning I rolled out of bed at 9:07, day two of my cycle. Sluggish. I don’t drink coffee often, but today I needed it.
When I opened the blinds the sun was shining and I thought: I wish it was raining.
If you know me, you know this is out of character.
If there were one word to describe me it would be Summer.
Bright. Hot. Long Days Surfing. Summer.
But, like most of 2017, things have been entirely different this season.
Instead of thriving, things have felt awkward and uncomfortable.
I feel the normal rush of energy that Summer usually brings, a consistent bounce and surge, but instead of that translating into road trips and bon fires and hours in the water—play—it has felt like pressure.
Pressure to get a lot of work done.
A rush to catch up.
To finish projects that I haven’t even started yet.
This Summer, my main dominant feeling is: there is not enough time.
Not enough time to podcast, launch, do weekly live videos, and blogs post.
Not enough time to do all of these things AND enjoy summer at the same time.
Not enough time to watch sunsets and get sun burned at 7pm.
Not enough time before the first smell of Fall is carried with the wind.
Not enough time to be me.
At least the version I like the most.
I feel guilty for not playing when I’m working.
I feel guilty for working when I’m not playing.
I feel like I’m missing out on the one time of year when I’m the happiest.
I haven’t been able to find many days this summer where I haven’t felt guilty. Or rushed. Or out of sync.
I’ve often just felt like, ok, Winter, come again so I can put this all to rest.
I’m ready for the sky to match my heart.
But then the sadness creeps in. I love summer. I love August (my birth month). I love my skin dark and my hair blonde.
I then think, Ana, how can we turn this ship around? How can we finish summer with a bang? How can you enjoy yourself?
All I hear, ever, whether it’s through me or my best friends on the other end of a teary phone call, is:
“Day by day.”
Moment by moment.
This morning I was talking with my friend Jillian about this rushed Summer feeling and she was saying that she looks at kids and notices how summer seems to feel so long for them.
Because there is no future. They are not working out how their lives are going to work out. They have adults doing that for them.
When she said these words I felt a deep nostalgia.
For a belly rashed from a boogie board and a nose peeling from 8 hours in the sun.
For the little girl who’d ride her bike home from the beach at 8pm, fall asleep, only to wake up 9 hours later to do it all again.
For a time when I didn’t have to plan.
For a time when time didn’t go by so fast.
My point of writing this post was to talk about The New Moon In Leo. And Leo season in general.
But it occurred to me as I was doing so that Leo is showing a different side of her mane this time around.
The uncomfortable side.
The frustrated creative side.
The I have so many ideas I want to accomplish, but I also have so many parties I want to go to so If I want to accomplish them I’ll be missing out and not having any fun, side.
The tormenting side.
Of inspiration and how life is full of so many options that how can you choose one and not lose out on the other?
Leo is a sign that is bursting with creativity, and love, and expressionistic ideas and dreams.
Leo is also a sign that loves to lounge, and sun bathe, and take hours curling her hair.
When the energy is right, Leo is a sign that can THRIVE. These two traits of extreme creativity and a love of enjoyment and fun in joyous harmony.
The kind of woman that gets so much done, has glitter spewing from her hair, is perfectly bronzed and is bubbling with happiness from how much fun she had paddle boarding, and dancing, and sharing a meal on the sand with her favorite friends.
When Leo is in the place of the moon, sometimes, all of these acts become extremely personal and emotional.
What makes the Leo so productive is that she follows her inspiration. Her desire with vigor. She doesn’t think too much, she just does. Because she is passionate about what her heart wants. She doesn’t hold herself back.
But today, this Leo is different.
I’m not entirely sure why, but she is.
Probably because when anything takes home in our emotional space, things become more serious.
Probably because this year has been, well, very serious.
She is cautious. She is questioning. She does not feel like herself. She is tired.
Mostly, I think, because this year has left her spent.
Ish has gone down where she has had to let her roar ROAR.
Trump. Black children being shot. The grips of the Patriarchy. The rise of the Feminine. The loud and ever persistent call of THE TIME TO DO YOUR WORK IS NOW.
Leo has used a lot of her resources.
She is spent.
But, what makes this so hard, is that she is still SO inspired.
She wants to do so much more.
And my guess is, so do you.
But this Leo also wants to feel.
How much she has carried. How much she has created. How much she has shifted and molded and stood up for.
Today she is seeing her battles. Her heartbreak. How much she has gone through. Instead of acting fast on her inspiration she is seeing what has inspired her altogether.
Her wounds. Her soul. Her breaking. Her falls. Her getting back up. Her day by days. Her moments by moments.
She is seeing a different side of herself.
Which isn’t always easy.
Her influence of her neighboring Cancer and Virgo.
It’s like she is looking at each rhinestone of her dress and thinking, for the first time, oh this is how the whole thing shines so bright.
It’s overwhelming her.
The emotions of that.
She no longer can just dance without thinking about it.
How all the pieces come together.
That she plays a part in putting together the puzzle.
The she is the adult taking care of the child of her heart.
She is a little somber. Nostalgic for when she saw the world as a safe and fun and electric place. A place that took care of her all on its own.
So I leave you with this, today, when things may feel exciting and off and creative and slow all at once.
What I told my Leo—my sun sign— this morning as I woke up wishing it were gray:
Day by day. Moment by moment. You can’t escape your knowing of the future. Choosing to not plan is choosing to not meet your needs. You ARE an adult now. You are taking care of you. Maybe you even have a child of your own. Who depends on you for his or her long days and short nights.
But, at the same time, you aren’t alone in that. You aren’t the only one taking care of you. There is a mysterious cosmic hand that is there to help. There is room to breathe. Don’t plan too far in advance because chances are, all will be planned differently when the time comes.